Just in the last month, Amelia has:
1) Randomly silenced her phone
2) Hid five times from her diary
3) Walked on eggshells around her own thoughts
4) Slept ten nights with her head under the pillow
5) Snoozed six rounds for at least seven mornings
Amelia is now charged with selfishness
Oh! So guilty! –she accepts.
Others in pain –she feels.
Those weeks that might be minutes
the sorrow the fight of the peaceful
the corrosion of cancer in a loving body
Amelia now stares at life as it is:
__ OVERWHELMED __
How easy is to believe,
bias what we see,
justify self-pity.
Amelia lies on the sofa & cries
A tear of stillness falls steadily
while more tears follow:
1) Ten for not acting
2) Five for delayed reactions
3) A dozen for not showing care
Amelia is not proud!
She now
feels like hiding
again
Oh, but I won’t! –she dares.
Not anymore!
_____Adriana Citlali
XVIII-IX-MMXV
Source: Open Link Night | dVerse
For some reason I could hear Joni Mitchell singing, “Amelia–it was just a false alarm” . Your poem brings tears, touch hearts, sheds light on secrets, reveals ugly truths. Cancer, damned cancer; one of the last of the ancient demons we still are victimized by; killed my mother at 39; but hey, maybe Amelia will get gene therapy, maybe she will beat it!
I like the reference to Joni Mitchell. She really can transfer feelings into music with her voice.
I am sorry to read about your mother. My grandmother also was a victim of cancer. It is sad, really, that this sickness takes so many loved ones.
Its fine to acknowledge that one is overwhelmed by long to do lists ~ Nothing wrong with a good cry but afterwards, what then, is important ~ Good for Amelia to dare herself again & start anew ~
Good to see you back in D’verse ~ Hope you are well ~
Thank you, Grace. I am well. I had a couple of rather busy weeks and not always good news. Amelia got the effect of it.
I felt this way when I was diagnosed with cancer….overwhelmed, helpless, imprisoned….but I too came out of hiding. Dared myself not to hide again. Very powerful write this is.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Cancer touch us in different ways, but it is always overwhelming. You should be proud of yourself for coming out of hiding. I hope you are well. Big hugs!
Thank you. Hugs back to you!
This is such a touching poem… I feel that people who suffer from cancer should be made to feel like they are loved and supported.. so that they can fight it out. Lovely write.
Lots of love,
Sanaa
Thank you for your lovely feedback, Sanaa. I agree with you. We all need love and support, but some need it even more. We should make sure to make our part.
I feel compassion for Amelia. We are our own worst enemies. The negative self-talk about ourselves doesn’t serve anyone.
Gayle ~
Thank you for your kind comment, Gayle.
I am so touched by this. I relate to much of it. I love your very unique writing with the lists.
A very unique way of telling the story (or rather, showing the emotions) of an all-too-familiar situation (sadly). I like the way your numbered lists try to impose some order in the confusion, but then it’s all undone by the scattered lines below. A perfect blend of feeling and layout on the page (and I know it’s not easy to do electronically).
Thanks for the feedback on the form. It just felt right to write it the way I did. Your analysis shed some useful light on the reader’s perspective –always highly appreciated. I think you are right, the numbered lists are order in the chaos.
” How easy is to believe,
bias what we see,
justify self-pity. ”
I love this so much and agree with MarinaSofia there – it’s a very unique way…
Thank you, Abhra!
I love the form of this, and I think maybe Amelia and I should start a support group. :o)
Oh! I am convinced that Amelia would love to start that support group… smiles…
BigGest changes NOWS
can start with the smallest
steps.. then.. change never
comes without
a step away
from
yester
now..
news nows
steps aheads
rinGs nows news..:)
The smallest change can be the most important one.
It’s sad to have to hide…..at least there is compassion for the ill….wonderful support is available…I feel fortunate to not have many friends or family with it, a few. But it is so widespread and I hear there is a cure, very simple, that we many not have been informed about?
This sickness touches so many people. One way or another, I think we have all been touched by cancer. Sometimes the stories have a happier ending than others.
There are so many motivations in this world (money, power, etc.), that it is difficult to know if a hidden cure actually exists. Don’t you think?
Such an effective way to bring up this difficult issue. I’ve worked with death and dying most of my nursing career and that reaction is so expected, at least for awhile. When facing a life-threatening disease, as I have, some choose that as a response–other go on the offense. All I recall it taking it day by day and doing what I had to to survive. Mind you, it wasn’t cancer and I had a good option but, seriously, looking back, I don’t know if I would have the energy to go through that again. Love the lists in this.
Thank you, Victoria. I cannot imagine how much strength I would need to be a nurse and have to also deal with serious illnesses in my own body. I admire the humanity and kindness behind the job. I hope you are well.