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Words, sounds, and space

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When space is silence…

Words, sounds, and space

The jar of a heartbeat

Posted on August 15, 2016 By adcitlali

        conundrum

Amelia feels the jar of a heartbeat
wrapped around unspoken words

        hesitation

The phone is ringing
A turmoil of fears clutter her thoughts

        exposure

Amelia answers
Words are spoken

        entropy

Amelia releases a secret
Possibilities scatter around

        peace

Amelia feels the enchantment of freedom


_____Adriana Citlali
XIII-VIII-MMXVI
XV-VIII-MMXVI

Time for a Quadrille at dVerse: a 44-word poem that has to include today’s word jar.

Source: Quadrille #13 | dVerse


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Amelia Poetry chaosentropyfearfear of expressing our mindsfreedomsecretunknown path

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Comments (19)

  1. Vinay Leo R. says:
    August 15, 2016 at 10:13 pm

    I wonder what was the secret that lifted the chains off her heart. 🙂 But speaking the heart at times does seem freeing. I liked the turmoil in the story.

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  2. whimsygizmo says:
    August 15, 2016 at 10:21 pm

    Love this. I feel as though I am pulling fantastic words from a jar, and searching for their true meaning. Just wonderful.

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    1. Adriana Citlali Ramírez says:
      August 15, 2016 at 10:43 pm

      Thank you! You just gave me a great idea of how to add a visual to this poem. I will do some drawing…

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  3. Waltermarks says:
    August 15, 2016 at 10:36 pm

    You captured the tension of the uncertain. it made me glad when you found relief at last

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  4. Grace says:
    August 15, 2016 at 11:12 pm

    Jar of a heartbeat…I love this line as well as the freedom in the end!

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  5. Kristina Cox says:
    August 15, 2016 at 11:20 pm

    I love this!

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  6. Arcadia Maria says:
    August 16, 2016 at 12:39 am

    You really build up the suspense up until the last line. Well done.

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  7. lifelessons says:
    August 16, 2016 at 4:17 am

    I love the shades of meaning of your opening line, Adriana.

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  8. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) says:
    August 16, 2016 at 4:35 am

    Oh that tension until the secret’s spilled… Jar of heartbeat, I could feel that…

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  9. Bodhirose says:
    August 16, 2016 at 5:37 am

    I can feel that jarred heartbeat when the phone rang…and then the release of tension as the secret spilled. Well done!

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  10. maria says:
    August 16, 2016 at 11:54 am

    Oh, intriguing. You made us want to hear moreeee.

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  11. Sanaa Rizvi (@rizvi_sanaa) says:
    August 16, 2016 at 12:54 pm

    Beautifully haunting!! ❤

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  12. Bryan Ens says:
    August 16, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    You seem to have pulled us into the heat of a story. I love the form that you used.

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  13. Mish says:
    August 16, 2016 at 6:04 pm

    Oh this is wonderful..as you take us through each step from conundrum to resolve.

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  14. kanzensakura says:
    August 16, 2016 at 6:35 pm

    I really like how you wrote this, word by word with the lines underneath. Fear, secrets, release….wonderful!

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  15. freyathewriter says:
    August 16, 2016 at 7:21 pm

    I want to know more! I loved the progression in this.

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  16. sarahsouthwest says:
    August 17, 2016 at 6:39 am

    Beautifully structured. You tell us everything, and yet keep the secret.

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  17. Susan Anderson says:
    August 19, 2016 at 5:21 am

    There is a release in the right kind of telling.
    I like the structure of this poem. Well done.

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  18. Rosemary Nissen-Wade says:
    August 20, 2016 at 1:25 pm

    I’m glad you brought it to that positive conclusion. 🙂

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Comments are closed.

Beat #5Beat #5January 29, 2023adcitlali
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ForgetnessForgetnessNovember 24, 2020adcitlali

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